February 14th…again…and you’re alone for YET ANOTHER YEAR. Hunnie…I feel you lol. As I approach what will now be my 7th Baeless Valentine’s Day, I can truly say that the thought of being sad is laughable lol. I mean yes…I wish that upon waking up this morning there were numerous text messages showering me with love and sweet-nothings…a bouquet of flowers waiting for me at my desk at work…or that I had some place special to go so that I could wear that dress in the back of my closet that never sees the light of day (lol) but the truth is…I don’t…AND THAT’S OKAY! Society, The Church, our families, and even our friends have placed an IMMENSE amount of pressure on single women (and men) of today. It’s like you have some infectious disease and no one wants to be around you for fear of catching what you have. Oh Gorgeous One…don’t fall for it. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!
It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything on my blog but I wanted it to be meaningful. I know better than ANYONE how it feels to watch ALL of your friends get the “I’m The Most Adored Woman In The World” treatment. I know what it feels like to scroll down any number of my social media feeds and see mushy posts about love and countless marriage proposals. I know what it feels like to cry myself silly wondering why no one wants me but I decided that I must put a stop to the lies that the enemy has been trying to shove down my throat for years. I wanted this post encourage you and to remind you of how simply amazing you are! Woman-to-Woman, Single Sister-to-Single Sister…take in all that I’m about to share with you…
IT’S OKAY TO CRY!- It’s your party and you can cry if you want to! I don’t know which Single Valentine’s Day this is for you…it may be year-one or year-ten but the pain of it all can still hurt and even rock you to your core a little…and that’s okay! One of the biggest lies that society tries to tell us is that showing emotion is a sign of weakness but in actuality, it’s a sign that you’re human. I call it “Emotional Constipation” and it’s gotta go. LET IT ALL OUT GIRL! Pour your fears onto the table. Allow yourself to feel the pangs in your heart. Allow yourself to feel the loneliness. Allow yourself to mourn the disappointment of shattered relationships. Allow yourself to feel sad about the balloons and chocolates that you didn’t get..it’s okay. And after you finish for good (because you can’t allow this moment to last all day)…get up, wash your face, throw on a little mascara and lipstick, and keep on truckin baby! Get out of the house. Find something productive or enjoyable to do but whatever you do, don’t allow the enemy to control you today. You’re entitled to your feelings…but you’re not allowed to live in them.
Your desirability is NOT predicated upon your relationship status- I want you to stop whatever you’re doing and find a mirror. Look at her. I mean REALLY look at her. Do you see how beautiful she is?! How silky her skin is?! How perfect her lips, her nose, and her eyes are?! How LAID her hair is?! How YAAAAAAS her hips and curves are?! Now look inside of her…do you see how hard she loves? How hard she works? How genuine she is? How compassionate she is? Do you see God’s light when you look into her eyes? If so…then babygirl…WHO wouldn’t want a woman like that?! Just because the man of your dreams seems to be moving a the pace of a dead snail (lol) in his pursuit of you doesn’t mean that you’re not desirable. You may feel as though you’re being overlooked and that this is the Year of the Side Chick but TRUST ME…you’re not broken! You’re beautiful, lovable, and your worth is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10).
Don’t listen to “Them”- “Them” and “They” should be arrested for all of the drama they’ve caused over the years lol. Your Them could be your family, friends, coworkers, the unhappily married church ladies, etc…but whoever “They” tell them to shut up lol. The people that you care about most have the greatest ability to have the greatest influence over your emotions and your decisions. They usually mean well but They’re not helping you by added fuel to your Emotional Fire. Tune out the noise, resist the urge to clapback (it only makes you look bitter and proves Them right), and only entertain the voice of God and the voice of Truth.
You don’t have to accept a date with someone you don’t like for the sake of having a date tonight-I won’t linger here too long but I just want you to know that you don’t have to accept a “pity date” from anyone! Doing so puts you in the position of emulating the actions of a couple in love without actually BEING a couple in love. Now, I’m not saying that if a male friend or someone you’re actually interested in asks you out that you shouldn’t go (because you DEFINITELY should girl…yaaaas!), but what I am saying is that you don’t have to “settle for what you can get.” Regardless of if you’re all alone tonight, enjoying an unexpected dinner proposal, or kickin it with your favorite girls, do what YOU genuinely wanna do…nothing less!
Link up with your single friends– Somewhere out there you have a friend who’s having the same emotional meltdown that you just finished having. She needs you. Can she be your Valentine? Maybe there’s a group of your friends who find themselves baeless this year…why not make a night of it?! Beat your faces, put on coordinating DON’T-Freakum-Dresses (I know I know..I’m corny lol!), your highest heels, and make reservations at some place nice! Enjoy yourselves! Enjoy each other! The most rejuvenating experience aside from being surrounded by the presence of the Lord is letting your hair down with people who truly get you! Don’t miss out on the opportunity to love on your Loves!
AVOID LIFETIME!– You listen here! Don’t sit in the house all night watching Lifetime movies if you can’t handle it emotionally! Lifetime will have you feeling like you have a 4th eye and 7 toes lol. Avoid allowing images into your eye-gates that stir up negative emotions. Depression sets in when you have constant reminders of what you don’t have yet. Guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23).
Say NO to the “Social Media Mood-Thermometer”– Social media. It’s both a gift and a curse…it’s everything to our generation…but it’s also a contentment-killer. Without even trying to you find yourself comparing yourself to other people. Scroll by scroll you try to figure out what She has that you don’t have and before you know it…you’re drowning in a sea of “I Still Don’t Have A Man” tears. Don’t allow social media to determine your mood today. Don’t allow it to make you that upset, the depressed, that bitter. Don’t allow it to be a god in your life. You deserve better! And if you find that you just can’t control how you feel then consider fasting from social meida all together for a couple of days. In Matthew, the Bible says, “And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell (Matthew 5:30). Those constant images can drive you crazy. Don’t let anything steal your peace today.
Give Love On Valentine’s Day– The greatest way to receive the love that you want is to give it. Just as people volunteer at soup kitchens and homeless shelters during the holidays…you could consider doing the same. Give back to your community…pour the love of Christ out for the world to it! Or even on a smaller scale, send messages, make phone calls, give out little valentine’s gifts to the people you love most in your life. They will appreciate it and you and in return you’ll feel better knowing that you’ve been a blessing or brightened someone’s day.
Treat yourself!– I’m a spa girl. I love to get a pedi, a massage, buy myself something pretty, start a new book, and indulge in a little Cold Stone! I’m a simple girl but these are the things that make me smile and relax. Instead of sitting around sulking over the things that nobody bought you…BUY THEM FOR YOURSELF! Date yourself girl! Treating yourself is all about learning yourself and what you enjoy…it’s what makes you interesting. WARNING: Now…be careful not to get in the habit of “not needing a man to buy you anything” while Treating Yourself. One day Prince Charming will come and you better not tell him that you don’t need him or his money! Women like that have built a wall to protect themselves…made out of bricks of insecurity…and not many men want to knock that wall down. Men can SMELL an unhappy, insecure woman from a mile away…especially the ones who cover their insecurity with the whole “Independent Woman” charade. Find the balance!
Remember what God says about you – I’m still learning what God says about me but regardless of how I see myself (and I long to see myself that way that He does because I’m a hot mess to me) I know that His word is laced with love notes about His undying love for me. He IS Love. Learn to get in the habit of turning to God and to the Word when you battle with you confidence, loneliness, depression, and the like. Do a little research on scriptures that pertain to how you feel, learn them, and recite them today. Make it personal! Encourage yourself by speaking the Word of God over your life. He’s not forgotten about us sis…we just have to believe that.
I hope that this encouraged you in some way. Please be encouraged! Valentine’s Day is just another day and one day when this day actually has meaning, you’ll loo back over this period in your life and laugh. And remember…anytime you find yourself feeling down…someone out there is enjoying a lovely evening with someone who wished them a Happy VALENTIME’S Day lol! I love you guys!